A Cut
by Johanna-002
Summary: Requested by Michellebaity93. A different take on how the pain of separation was handled when Nicky was moved down to MAX. Song fic "So cold" Ben Cocks.


**Title** : Laceration

 **Summary:** Requested by Michellebaity93. A different take on how the pain of separation was handled when Nicky was moved down to MAX. Song fic "So cold" Ben Cocks.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own OITNB or any of its characters. They belong to Jenji Kohen. I do, however, own my writing so please don't steal- Johanna002©

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 _A/N: Hey all, it's been a while. Doing the adult things plus dealing with writer's block. This story does have mentions of self-harm as was the request, but as I have no first-hand knowledge in dealing with depression to this magnitude, I was kind of scared to write something like this so I kept it extremely tame. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!_

X-X-X

 _Oh, you can't hear me cry  
_

 _See my dreams all die  
_

 _From where you're standing  
_

 _On your own._

Alex sighed softly, glancing over at Piper who's face was scrunched up sadly as her eyes remained fixed on the older, Russian woman. Alex's eyes darted from Piper over to Red and her shoulders fell in response.

It had been weeks since Nicky had been taken down the hill and there had been little to no talk about how she was doing.

The family had done their best. They had all tried to keep an eye on Red, but the woman wasn't necessarily the most forthcoming with how she felt, preferring instead to keep her emotions bottled up.

 _It's so quiet here_

 _And I feel so cold_

 _This house no longer_

 _Feels like home._

With the absence of Nicky, it had felt as if the Red they all knew had disappeared over night. Her hair was more grey than red; her complexion more pale than olive, and her eyes more dark and lost than exciting and blue.

Not that she was ever a woman of many words, but these days she only further nestled into a sea of silence. She was practically giving Norma a run for her money.

 _Oh, when you told me you'd leave_

 _I felt like I couldn't breathe_

 _My aching body fell to the floor_

"I'm worried about her." Alex confessed. While she had her own problems to worry about she couldn't help but be concerned. Nicky was her friend, and while she didn't always see eye to eye with Red, it unnerved her to witness her so shaken up by Nicky's absence.

Piper nodded. "So am I." She shook her head and exhaled a large, shaky breath. "I wonder how Nicky is holding up." Her eyes drifted to Red once more and she frowned sadly.

 _You caused my heart to bleed and_

 _You still owe me a reason_

 _'Cause I can't figure out why..._

 _Why I'm alone and freezing_

Nicky lay in her bunk, one arm above her head, the other at her side, hand balled tightly into a fist. She turned her head slightly, eyes boring painfully into the wall.

Her eyes closed, and the fingers of her left hand slowly relaxed. SHe played with the small object that fell from her palm, delicately running it's sharp edges along the skin of her finger tips.

She used the her legs to push off the scratchy blanket and her hands moved to the waistband of her pants. Her hands trembled, only stopping as they found and played with the material. Her mind raced raced rapidly as she thought about what she was going to do.

 _Oh, you can't hear me cry_

 _See my dreams all die_

 _From where you're standing_

 _On your own._

She bit the inside of her cheek and pushed her pants down and over her thighs, As the smooth skin was revealed to her touch she sat up. Cautiously, she peered around. Confident she was as alone as she was ever going to get she picked up the small object.

Holding the object out in front of her, the moonlight caught it, causing it to glimmer in response to its exposure. She shivered, recognizing fully the small razor blade that she held in her hand.

Her bottom lip found its way between her teeth and she inhaled a large breath as she brought the blade down, marring the skin of her thighs with several cuts. The moon was witness to her sin and she watched as the cuts began to cry blood.

Her eyes closed slowly to the sight and she enjoyed the moment of relief that she had just been afforded. In that moment she was unaware of the woman who cried for her every night, and she gave no thought to the the friends that missed her. She was grieving- lost to her own sorrow.

 _It's so quiet here_

 _And I feel so cold_

 _This house no longer_

 _Feels like home_


End file.
